Everyone
in the recovery community is truly a blessed being. The recovery community
is a fellowship filled with the acceptance of the shortcomings of self
and others. Where else can you find a group of people who make a commitment
like that?In many ways, getting started in recovery by initially abstaining from an addictive behavior is the easy part. At least it is a beginning. Remaining in recovery is not quite so easy. Remaining abstinent from addictive behaviors means one has to continue to stay abstinent on an ongoing basis, each and every day.
Most people have great difficulty remaining abstinent, and they need anchors to support that abstinence and to maneuver through life without resorting back to the old behaviors associated with their addiction(s). The fellowship of AA offers a wondrous concept that has become universal in its application for good health. Literature that is progressive or New Age expounds on it. This is the belief that to make recovery manageable and doable, one can stay abstinent or focus on recovery only by doing it for short periods or “one day at a time.”
What I am about to contribute is a blueprint that assists one in making it through life one day at a time while staying in recovery from addictions. The concept is easy to remember because it is described in an ABC formula: AWARENESS, BALANCE AND CONNECTION. The easier or simpler something is to remember, the more likely one can remember it and utilize it. This blueprint is effective to maintain good mental health for everyone, addicts or not.
Awareness is the first concept. To remain aware is quite contrary to participating in addictive behavior because it requires that one stays out of denial and has a willingness to see what is. Denial is a prerequisite for addictive behavior to continue without being recognized.
Remaining aware is a great tool in recovery, but awareness takes practice. It is best accomplished by first learning to separate from the situation or feelings and to become the observer of them. This is so valuable in recovery. As an observer, one detaches and looks from the outside in. As an observer, one gets out of one’s own way. Looking in, an observer can see negative feelings associated with the addiction or compulsive behaviors and can see high-risk situations that could lead back to the addiction. Observing negative emotions that have been associated with the addictions can include guilt and shame, anger, resentment, sadness, hurt and loss, or grief.
Looking at these feelings from the outside in helps keep one from playing the past over and over again. As the observer, it often occurs that there are alternatives to using. Seeing that one has alternatives or choices helps one to feel empowered and take more responsibility for making the changes necessary to make it in recovery.
Awareness helps one to stay in the present and not dwell on the past or speculate about the future. The only change that can be made is in the present. Awareness lays the groundwork for the other two principals as without awareness both the need for balance and connecting to self and others would be difficult, if not impossible.
Achieving Balance does not come easily for most people, but it is especially difficult with addicts.
Some
of the basic components of living a balanced life include getting just
the right amount of food, sleep and exercise. Most addicts do very little,
if anything, in moderation, and moderation is the key to balance.
In recovery,
there are behaviors that cannot be practiced in moderation, and the addict
must learn to remove them entirely. Usually the addict has spent lots
of time attempting to practice their addiction in moderation without
success. If one is truly an alcoholic or dependent drug abuser, removing
those substances entirely from their lives is most beneficial for prospering
recovery. So balance is best achieved by first remaining abstinent from
the addiction.
The next step for an addict to achieve balance for long periods of time
is a willingness to see the relationship of the addictive behavior to other
addictions and other obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors.
So many
times this step is overlooked, and an alcoholic develops a compulsive
gambling problem or has a compulsive eating issue that needs to be addressed.
After acknowledging other potential problems, the addict can begin to
incorporate balance in life. Learning to balance work with play and learning
to play with a variety of activities and avoid getting hooked on one
pleasurable experience to the exclusion of others can be a lifelong task.
But that assignment/task can be fun.
The last concept is Connection.
This is the most important of all the principals because it is the prerequisite
for developing a spiritual program. Connecting to self is the foundation
for relating to one’s “higher power,” God or spirit.
This is also the shift an addict makes from simply remaining abstinent
and then moving into recovery. Recovery is about creating quality experiences
in one’s life; abstinence is about not practicing the addictive
behavior.
The first step in becoming connected is to look at the self
and be honest about what is important to the self. This means living
with integrity. While practicing an addictive behavior, most addicts
lie and cover up what is really going on by minimizing, rationalizing,
blaming or justifying why they use or participate in the compulsive behavior.
Connecting to self is a process. Most addicts don’t have a good
sense of what is important to them or what they stand for.
Prayer is
a wonderful tool for working this concept. In the process of prayer,
one is taught to connect to a source that we are, in fact, a part of.
The more one learns to connect to self, the more one learns to connect
to family, community, the world and God. This is quite a fulfilling experience
because it usually occurs to the self that they are, in fact, not alone
and are part of something much bigger than themselves and an intricate
part of that whole.
